NEVER let logic make decisions of matters of the heart

i am still learning and so my japanese grammer probably sucks. at least if you can speak it you should get the general idea. the lesson i hope to share with everyone is this; NEVER let logic make decisions of matters of the heart. it only causes pain that you can never understand unless you have done it. the suffering does not end. it gets worse as each day passes. i am still friends with my loss. i simply cannot bring myself to share this with him...though i tell him most everything else. i will soon be translating a letter i wrote to him the last time i saw him into japanese...no he is not japanese and no i did not give him the letter...i know, i'm rotten. he can't read it he did see the poem on myspace but he does not want the translation at this time...now i am stuck in a trap that i cannot escape...even if i could, who would i turn to? once again logic has no place in decisions of the heart. i was selfish and i am so very sorry that you cannot imagine what i put myself through daily. i cry myself to sleep most nights...i have lost all interest in my wedding...i used to feel naked if i forgot to put my engagement ring on in the morning...now i feel burdened by it...but all of this is my doing and so i must suffer it. who else can do my penance...moreover who would i allow to do so. i guess that sums up my current feelings.

Shi No Tame Watashi-no Aigo No Koi

doshite watashi-wa dekiru miru eien ni itsu watashi-wa no koto omou anata
itsumo watashi-wa kanji namae sore passhon naka-de watashi-no kokoru kara
watashi-wa tashika na tada de watashi-wa suru koto ga dekiru mae ni iu amonaito
suru no jibun sochi suru
watashi-wa tsumari uragiru watashi-ni mada suru watashi-no jishin no kanji'iru
soshite kangae
watashi yakusoku anata watashi-wa suru tsumori itsumo ren'aichu no anata
watashi koi to onaji kuai dare monai anata
kudaku watashi-no kokoru kara
watashi-no mono sekenin
watashi wakaru soshite uketoru kanzen sekenin
dekiru yurusu watashi-ni man ga ichi anata au
dekiru anata ano onaji, onaji kurai mukashi
watashi koimotomeru no tame ni anata no kisu
subete hoshigaru watashi anata no fureru koto
suwatteiru jikan koko de ni munashisa watashi soto ni sodon suru sawagi hitori no
dore mo dekiru watashi daiyaku o suru shin'yo suru onaji kurai shin'yo suru anata
sabishisa watashi-no tsumihoroboshi
watashi gen'in kurushimi
yori isso watashi-wa negai kaeru kurishimi watashi-no yo ni ren'aichu nozomu
anata
suru made watashi yuigon ren'aichu no itsumo anata shi made watashi
o gisei ni shite watashi-no tabun kokuhaku, demo anata wakaru watashi-wa
shojiki
no nakae anata no mono te watashi-no sore de
no tame ni watashi-no koi de anata
kubaru ni watashi hitotsu ichibetsuitosu ito
watashi nozomu mattaku nai mata machi gaeru
ano eranda hito ni yotte watashi-no mattaku nai kokoru kara
tsu ni watashi-wa de kuikaesu naka de soboku na furezu
ren'aichu no anata watashi, soshite suru tsumori itsumo watashi-wa